The Day the World Went Insane
by Fortune Cookies and Milk
Summary: Axel is in love with water, Demyx has the mind of a college professor, and Sora is in a punk rock band. Not to mention Cloud is wearing a dress. Why? Well, the world in general has gone insane, so why not?


Disclaimer: You think I own anything of value? Hah. You're funny.

* * *

><p>"Please?"<p>

"No."

"Come on!"

"_No_."

"Cloouud…"

"**No**."

"But you've already done it once before!"

"We promised _never_ to speak of that!"

"For us?"

"Damn it, Tifa!" Cloud spun around to face the two girls (read: vultures) who had been following him relentlessly for the past hour. "I don't care how many of those pitiful looks you and Yuffie give me; I am _not_ wearing that dress."

"But! But, but…" Yuffie looked at him innocently. "It matches your eyes so nicely."

Cloud very nearly broke character and yelled in frustration. However, after successfully holding down his reputation as a quiet, calm person no matter how much time he spent with people like the girls in front of him, there was no way he'd be broken with just this. So instead he calmly replied, "I'd have to be insane to actually **want** to wear something like that frilly abomination."

The girls shared a look. Tifa turned back to him and shrugged. "Well the rest of the world is so isn't it fine?"

Cloud's expression turned confused. "The rest of the world is what? Is wearing a dress? Because I'm looking at proof that that's a lie right now." he remarked, staring at the same outfits Tifa and Yuffie usually wore.

But the ninja shook her head impatiently, drawing attention back to her words. "_We mean_, everybody else is acting crazier than Riku the last time his hair care products ran out so you might as well throw on this dress and join in!"

Cloud shuddered briefly as the memory of that particular incident came to mind before being hastily stuffed away again, lest he be traumatized at its recall. It was enough to have to go to the hospital _once_ because of the silverette. He didn't need a second trip, thanks. Instead, he looked around for evidence of this "insanity" Tifa and Yuffie claimed. Everything looked normal. "I don't believe you." he stated.

"Oh yeah? Then we'll prove it! If we can't convince you then we won't talk for a whole week."

"Hah! You're on. And if you actually get me to admit that everyone's acting weirder than usual I'll wear that stupid dress." For a moment Cloud almost wanted to take back such a reckless bet but the twin smirks that had sprung up on Tifa and Yuffie's faces promised no backing out of this one.

For a moment, just a moment, Cloud allowed himself to consider just what hell he had signed himself up for. And then two pairs of hands enclosed around his wrists and he was dragged off to find out.

* * *

><p>They ended up at the pool. It was crowded. Of course, this wasn't that unusual, it being the height of summer vacation and all. Cloud promptly pointed this fact out.<p>

Tifa shook her head as if despairing his stupidity. "Silly Cloud. It's not the location that's out of the ordinary. It's the people. Basically, one person. Mainly, that redhead over there. Specifically, Axel. Who's here to swim. **Because he loves water so very much**." she said emphatically.

Cloud refused to believe it. "That's impossible! Axel is a diehard pyromaniac. There's no way he'd willingly go near water."

Yuffie just turned Cloud around and pointed. Cloud stared. His jaw might have dropped. He didn't know, he was too busy staring to care how much he was staring and how strange it might have looked. Because lo and behold, there was Axel swimming with all his might and looking like he wasn't hating it at all. Slowly, he turned back to the girls behind them, giving them a look that begged for them to give some explanation that could make sense out of this unprecedented occurrence.

They just smirked and shrugged with twin 'what do you expect? he loves water.' expressions. Cloud couldn't believe it. "Okay…" he said, just a little shakily. "I admit that that's pretty weird but there could be some kind of explanation. I'm not convinced yet!" But the girls weren't deterred. They merely led their victim off to the next piece of evidence.

* * *

><p><em>Half an hour earlier<em>

"Xigbar! Where'd you get those pictures?" Axel demanded.

His one-eyed companion smirked. "Why whatever do you mean, my water hating friend?"

"Y-you know what I mean!" Axel cried, gesturing to the cell phone that held the aforementioned pictures. "Where did you get such cute pictures of Roxas?"

"Well, obviously I took them." Xigbar replied.

"How?" Axel was amazed. Amazed and shocked. He was shockingly amazed. And maybe just a little bit jealous because he only _wished_ he got the chance to see Roxas dressed up so nicely in such a cute dress, complete with frilly skirt and white lace, all topped off with a red cloak, the hood pulled up over honey blond locks. If Axel had been a wolf he **definitely** would've gone for that little red riding hood.

Xigbar mimed zipping his lips in an infuriatingly smug way. "Sorry bud, but my lips are sealed. I'll just tell you that I had to call in about nine different favors, now owe a little girl a new bike, and am banned from a few certain shopping malls. Why?" And here he leaned in close, lowering his voice like he was about to make an offer too good for others to hear lest they become jealous and revolt against the unfairness of it all. "Do you want a copy of them?"

"Yes!" Axel immediately replied.

"Then," Xigbar drawled, smirking in such a way that Axel was starting to regret answering so freely, "I might be willing to let you have some copies…if you uphold your part of the agreement."

"And what part of the agreement am I going to have to uphold?" Now, Axel **really** wanted those pictures but he was still in possession of enough of his common sense to know to be suspicious. _Especially_ when it came to Xigbar.

"It's pretty light, actually. Probably lighter than it should be." Xigbar admitted. For a minute, Axel feared Xigbar would change whatever he was thinking of into something worse but that didn't seem like it'd be the case. "All you have to do is go swimming. For two hours. And smile while you're at it, like you mean it." Those were the conditions the eye patch wearing older teen set out.

Axel actually took a moment to consider this. On the surface the deal was incredibly good and, like Xigbar said, relatively light. But that's what unsettled him. There's no way Xigbar would be that nice. And he voiced exactly that sentiment. "…why are you being so nice about this?"

"No need for you to know. Just be grateful and tell me: do you accept or not?" As Axel struggled over the decision, Xigbar thought about the real reason he was doing this because it definitely wasn't because he was a nice person. Thanks to Axel's blatant attempts at seducing Roxas, the absent blond got a lot of chances to see the redhead shirtless. But never in a swimsuit. And taking advantage of that little piece of knowledge, Xigbar knew that if he got some photos of such an event, Roxas would probably be willing to dress up a little bit more for him in exchange and he could sell pictures of that right back to Axel. Continuing on like that, the cunning teen could foresee a perpetual cycle of entertainment that was theoretically unending.

Unless, you know, the two of them realized that they should just hurry up and start dating already and then there'd be no need to go through Xigbar for that kind of stuff. But that didn't seem likely to be happening anytime soon with the way Axel seemed so ready to just make do with receiving stuff from him. And thus Xigbar smiled as Axel agreed and leapt into the pool without further ado, smiling all the while as if the pictures of Roxas were right there in front of him.

* * *

><p><em>Present time again<em>

"Alright, where's this next "insane scene" you're going to show me?" Cloud asked in exasperation. He had a right to, seeing as Tifa and Yuffie had been leading him around in what seemed to be a completely random direction ever since they'd left the pool twenty minutes ago.

"Would you calm down?" Yuffie reprimanded. "We're trying to find the poster, okay?"

"I am calm." Cloud countered. "Completely calm, but if you drag me one more foot in this ridiculous search for a mere poster I can guarantee I won't be so calm anymore. In fact I might even turn as not-calm as Sephiroth the last time he ran into old man Hojo and that pet of his. You know, the one named Stitch."

Tifa and Yuffie both felt chills running down their backs at the mention of that terrible day. Otherwise known as the day the town was nearly sent back to war times. It would forever be passed down by those who had witnessed that terrible, terrible event in that way.

"Don't even joke about that." Tifa warned seriously. "If someone heard you, they might call the police in a sort of preemptive strike. Not that that would ever stop the real Sephiroth."

Cloud nodded gravely. "You're right. I shouldn't have gone that far. But still, tell me what's so important about a poster?"

"It's evidence of insanity!" Yuffie chirped. "You'll see. Actually, you'll see right now. There's a poster!" She pointed it out to Tifa and the girls hurried over with the unconvinced blond trailing after.

At first glance, it was an extremely normal poster. It was posted outside one of the more exclusive clubs in that part of town, featuring a gloomy looking band that matched the atmosphere the club was know for. At first glance.

Taking a second look, Cloud recognized why the girls would try to use this to convince him of the insanity invading the world. It had to do with just whose name, exactly, was on the poster. At the bottom of the paper were the names of the members and Cloud didn't see anything wrong until he reached the last name.

That name was so obviously out of place that he was surprised it didn't just fall off the paper. The name belonged to a certain cheery, blue eyed brunette by the name of Sora. Otherwise known as the person most likely anyone would say existed the furthest from this kind of thing.

Finally, Cloud couldn't stand anymore and asked the inevitable question. "Why is Sora's name on the poster?"

It was Tifa that answered. "Well obviously because he's in the band. They're performing tomorrow night."

"No way. I don't believe it." Cloud was set firmly in his denial of such an occurrence.

"But it's right there! Printed and on display to the public! You can't lie to the public Cloud." Yuffie stated.

"Are you sure there isn't someone running around with the same name?" Cloud refused to budge on the matter.

"We're sure. You can even call Sora and ask, if you want." Tifa told him, even offering up her cell phone for use. But Cloud had to pass on that. If he actually heard from Sora himself that the poster was stating the truth, he was relatively sure there was a possibility that it would irreversibly overthrow his worldview.

"I'll…just take your word for it." Cloud shakily told her.

"Then you admit that the world is insane?" Yuffie inquired excitedly, already reaching for her backpack in which the dress was nicely folded up and stored. Yes, the dress was indeed that small.

"No, no!" Cloud hastily refuted. "Not yet!"

As Yuffie frowned in disappointment, Tifa considered his current mental state. "You seem pretty shaken. I bet one more example would be enough to convince you right?" She guessed, and pretty accurately too.

"Well…maybe. Probably." Cloud admitted.

That caused Yuffie to brighten up considerably. "Well then! Let's go. This last one will absolutely shock you. You'll _have_ to admit that everyone has caught the crazies after seeing it!" she declared.

Cloud gulped, already fearing for both his dignity and his sanity. But mostly his sanity. It wasn't like these girls hadn't stolen his dignity before after all.

* * *

><p><em>Two days earlier<em>

"Hey Sora. You seem happy. Did you just get back from shopping with Riku?"

"Yup~ it was fun."

"You made sure he bought his hair stuff right?"

"Of course, Rox. You think I'd let something like **that** day happen again because of me? No way. I like living."

"Hah. Alright then. Anyway, can I ask you for a favor?"

"Well, what is it?"

"One of my friends has a cold and his voice is practically gone. He's in a band and they're performing at one of the clubs downtown in a few days. Since it doesn't seem like he'll be getting better soon, I was asked to help find a substitute. You're a pretty decent singer. Think you could do it?"

"Hmm…"

"I'm sure Riku would love to see you perform."

"I guess I'll do it then. Oh! I mean, of course, it's to help you and your friends out too though! Just so you know."

"Sure Sora. I'm the one asking something unreasonable anyway, you can agree for whatever reason you want. I'll be sure to pay you back okay?"

"What? There's no need for that."

"But I'd feel bad otherwise…"

"Then…"

"Then?"

"I don't know if I should ask though…"

"Just ask. I'll do anything…mostly."

"Then…do you think you could tell me why you're wearing a frilly white dress that I assume is supposed to go along with the red hood hanging over the back of your chair?"

"…you're only asking this now?"

"Well…I was kind of hoping something would happen that'd tell me I'm hallucinating."

"Sorry."

"No, it's not your fault. At least, I hope it isn't?"

"One word says it all."

"And that word is?"

"Xigbar."

"Of course."

* * *

><p><em>Back to the present<em>

"I don't believe it. I refuse to accept it. There's no way I'm seeing this happening." No matter how much Cloud stared, his mind just couldn't reconcile with what his eyes were telling him. And all this because there was no way he could honestly recognize that the smart looking guy in the lab coat and solving such a complicated mathematical equation while reading such a very thick book in the middle of the sidewalk was _Demyx_ of all people.

When Tifa and Yuffie had finally announced they'd reached their destination, the three of them had ended up on a street of what looked like quite your average family friendly neighborhood. The houses were new, the yards were beautiful, and the people all seemed nice. The only thing that seemed out of place in the otherwise typical suburban scene was the large rolling white board in the middle of the sidewalk, in front of one of the houses. In front of it stood Demyx, seemingly unaware of his three person audience as he industriously scribble away.

Finally he put the pen down and stepped back to observe his work. "Yep. Yep." He nodded to himself, looking satisfied. "Perfect."

"I don't believe my eyes. Actually there's no way I could believe anything like this so easily!" Cloud repeated.

"Well you better." Tifa told him. "Because it's true. From what I've heard from the neighbors, he's been at that for half an hour already."

"He did all that in only half an hour?" Cloud was incredulous. Even looking at just the equation without the work below it was enough to make his head hurt. Cloud wasn't sure he could solve something like that even if given all the time in the world.

Yuffie slapped Cloud on the back, supposedly in reassurance. "Don't worry Cloud! They also said that he's been doing it over and over again for the past week!"

Somehow that just made him feel worse. "That doesn't make me feel better." he told her. "In fact, I feel kind of faint right now."

"Don't faint on us Cloud!" Tifa exclaimed, and for a moment the blonde thought that he saw a flash of actual concern in her eyes. "You have to at least get into the dress first!"

"You will wear the dress now right?" Yuffie demanded anxiously.

Never mind then. They were more concerned about getting him to uphold his end of the deal. But they didn't need to worry. After what he'd seen today, Cloud felt that having to wear a dress like the one they'd picked out was nothing.

"It's fine." Cloud managed to voice. "I'll properly wear the dress, just like we agreed."

"Alright. That's fine then." Tifa nodded contentedly.

"Let's go get you changed then!" And with that Yuffie set off briskly, Cloud in tow with Tifa following behind.

* * *

><p><em>Fifteen minutes later<em>

"Demyx?" Zexion paused on sighting his friend sitting on the curb, in front of a white board filled with what would be a particularly challenging problem to anyone who wasn't Zexion. But since it was Zexion, he would've been able to solve it within a few minutes except it seemed like someone already had. Their work was flawless too.

On hearing his name called, Demyx looked up, immediately breaking out into a huge grin when he spotted the one who had called him. "Hey Zexy!" he chirped.

"Hello. Would you care to tell me the reason you're sitting in front of a whiteboard filled to the edges with math on a level high above most of the people in my class in the middle of the sidewalk?" Zexion inquired, not batting a lash at how absurd the question sounded, even in his own ears.

Demyx didn't care either, just grinned, and started speaking the same way a child would when explaining something they'd done while hoping to get praised. "Well you see, you know, I actually wrote all of that myself. Because remember? A little while ago you said that you preferred smart people and if this makes you think I'm smart then maybe, maybe, if you're willing you could try going on a date with me? Because actually, I really, really like you and I don't want to ruin this friendship or anything but when you're around I just feel so happy that I feel like I can't help but ask this. Is it bad?" And here Demyx stopped his rambling to glance shyly up at Zexion who seemed to be considering something.

"Demyx," At last he spoke. "How did you manage to solve that equation exactly?" Surprisingly, his question seemed to be the least important out of what he could have asked.

It threw off the sitting blond for a moment but eventually Demyx reluctantly admitted, "I didn't actually solve it. I just copied it out of that book over there." He pointed to the thick textbook Cloud had seen him glancing at occasionally as he wrote on the board earlier. "But I didn't want to tell you that because now you'll think I'm just an idiot." he said, looking almost like he was about to start sulking.

Zexion sighed heavily and his next words froze Demyx solid. "You have a terrible memory, do you know that? I said I _respected_ smart people, not that I preferred them. And you are an idiot. But that's fine since I'm an idiot too for liking someone like you."

Zexion didn't have time to say anything more before he nearly bit his tongue off getting tackled to the ground in a flying hug courtesy of one ecstatic blond.

* * *

><p><em>Five minutes later, elsewhere<em>

Cloud was indeed holding up his end of the deal. There was no disputing that fact. After the girls had dragged him off they'd had him change into the dress immediately, and even forced him down so Tifa could arrange his hair and even "slap some color into his cheeks", as Yuffie put it.

And he had dealt with it admirably the whole time. But even this was pushing it.

"I am not going out there!" Cloud gestured to the café that the girls had agreed upon.

"Come on Cloud! Please?" Tifa begged.

"It's not like we're asking much." Yuffie added. "Just go to the café, get us all a little something sweet to eat after our day of troubles and we can all sit back and enjoy!"

"Maybe if I was dressed _normally_," Cloud admitted, "But when I look like this is a bit much don't you think?"

"No."

"Not at all." Both girls gave a blunt reply.

"Don't worry!" Yuffie placed a hand on Cloud's arm and patted it comfortingly. "You look so different that I'd be willing to bet no one will even recognize you. Hey, you might even get hit on!" she teased.

"That's all the more reason not to go!" Cloud protested.

But he'd already made his fatal mistake; that is, letting Yuffie lay a hand on him. Now he could no longer escape her iron grasp. Soon it was joined by Tifa's and moments later, Cloud was thrown out of the alley he'd taken shelter in and shoved forcibly into the sunlight, accompanied by the hissed requests of Tifa and Yuffie regarding what they wanted from the café.

Somehow, the fact that nobody seemed to find the cross-dressing Cloud out of place at all depressed him far more than he had expected. Awkwardly, and probably painfully as well, he made his way to the café, placed his order, and nearly died in embarrassment as Leon, who happened to be the cashier, openly stared.

Luckily or unluckily, Leon didn't say a word, allowing Cloud to leave (read: sprint out of) the café and back to where Tifa and Yuffie were lurking before heading back home to try and rebuild his pride.

In his despair, Cloud didn't even notice that almost seconds before he had reached them, Yuffie had pointed him out to Tifa who hurriedly hung up on whatever call she had been making.

* * *

><p><em>Five seconds after Cloud left them<em>

"…hello?"

"Leon?"

"Tifa?"

"You're welcome."

"Huh? What are you...was that just Cloud in a dress?"

"You bet it was."

"…thank you."

"Twenty dollars would be appreciated."

"…"

"For a picture of Cloud that is?"

"Ten."

"Fifteen. Cloud is worth at least that much right?"

"Fine."

"Excellent. Ah, Cloud is coming back. I'll send it to you later okay? Bye."

* * *

><p><em>Ten minutes later after receiving a certain message from a certain person<em>

"Huh? Why is Leon in such a good mood today?"

* * *

><p>Somehow it seems that Demyx and Zexion got the most romantic part in this. Oops. Sorry about that. And oh yeah.<p>

Surprise!

I'm not dead. Just incredibly lazy. But look, I did something productive over the summer! And school is starting soon so hopefully I'll be able to write more. Yes, I actually write more when I'm in school. Weird? Maybe. But now that it's coming up maybe that new series (anyone remember me mentioning cakes?) I've been thinking about will be forthcoming. Well, a girl can hope.

Thanks for reading! Any reviews or favorites are received like ice cream: with great joy. Until next time~ (eventually)


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